the.makings.of.an ILLUSTRADOS

I have so much things in my mind that i don’t really understand. Actually, it’s more of a question than things .. mostly, it’s about my purpose .. my purpose here on earth .. am i created just for nothing? of course not .. there is always a purpose for each and everyone for us .. it’s about who really i am .. i am lost .. i am really lost .. i don’t know myself and i can’t see the reason why i can’t know the real me .. it’s complicated and unexplainable .. you see .. i am trying to write this para gumaan ang loob ko ..  it’s about the fucking things happening to me here in home .. i am not getting the life i want .. but it’s not a reason for me to mess my whole life .. there is always faster than the light, though science can’t prove its speed .. HOPE for me is faster than the speed of light ..

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there is another thing in my mind and it’s about the people around me .. finding people who really loves me .. i want to find someone who will love me for who i am .. accept the mistakes i have done .. someone who knows me .. and someone who will always truly love me.

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i will never talk to my parents again .. i hate them so much .. they always make me feel that i am worthless .. that i am a failure .. yes .. i admit .. i didn’t achieve something na maipagmamalaki ko sa kanila .. i am sorry .. i was very pressured and tempted that i did bad things to get high grades .. i was so desperate at that time .. but it’s always for them .. i always wanted to satisfy their standards .. to satisfy their expectations .. and that expectation is so fucking higher than what i can do .. there’s no point i can satisfy that .. even in my dreams ..

from this day .. i will leave every bad things i have done .. i will leave them now in trash .. i will now leave them in my past .. i will show them that i can achieve something .. this may be overused but .. i really want to achieve something for myself .. not knowledge but wisdom .. not medals but virtues .. not grades but true friends ..

mabuti nalang at i have friends .. i have friends whom i can talk to .. i have friends whom i can laugh with .. walk with .. i have friends whom i can enjoy my life with .. i think what a friend does to each other is to accept each others’ unique personality .. to appreciate the uniqueness .. not just like others who keep on comparing people .. you can’t compare two persons .. they will not be the same thus .. they will not be comparable forever .. i am very thankful that i have lanie as my friend .. that danielle is my friend .. that kristine is .. i am very thankful that i met them .. i am very thankful and will always be .. to them .. FRIENDSHIP.